The Cure For Anything...

About 4 years ago around this time I was still reeling from the biggest loss of my life. I was still full on in the grieving process and didn't think I'd ever make it out and find "normal" again. About this time the friends and I were in the middle of planning our first Friend Family Vacation. This vacation brought me back to life.

It was our second day on the beach in Destin, FL. It was so hot out and so beautiful. We were swimming and laughing in the ocean and I suddenly got teary. For the first time since December 2009, I felt joy. Joy that I was alive. Joy that I had people in my life that loved me. Joy that life would be ok. Joy at knowing I finally felt like I was allowed to be happy and live a good life because that was what Matty would have wanted for me.

Destin, FL 2010

The next year we took our 2nd Friend Family Vacation to Ft Lauderdale, FL. When we left for that trip I was feeling much more myself, but needless to say I hadn't got back into the dating world again yet. The thought of meeting someone new was overwhelming and although I had been working out lots and had lost weight I was feeling all kinds of insecure. I decided before we left that I was leaving all the crap at home and was so excited to just be with my friends. A week of laughs, sunshine, and the ocean once again brought be back to life. Suddenly I had confidence. Confidence in myself to be flirty. Confidence in myself to dress cute. Confidence in my crazy curly hair. Confident that it was time to start dating again.

Cute Boys in Ft Lauderdale, FL 2011

Best Friends Ft Lauderdale, FL 2011

The summer after that we took our first BIG family vacation, a 7 day cruise. We were celebrating my dad's retirement and this was the first vacation we took since reuniting with Sara. Our whole trip was definitely full of making lots of memories! It was a care free week of family time and it was much needed. I left that trip feeling so much love. Love for my family. Love for making memories. Love for 7 course meals. And a newfound love for chocolate melting cake. 

Family Pictures Take 5 2012

Grand Cayman Beach 2012

Last summer Lindsay and I wanted to take a vacation but it wasn't a good time for the Friend Family so we decided to go by ourselves! We found a travel agent and booked a trip to Riviera Maya. I was so excited for a week of relaxing. My life was in transition during that time so a week of sand and sun was just what I needed. I came home refreshed and super relaxed. It was a great week.

Besties and Roomies 2013

Storm Clouds Moving Out 2013

Reading By The Pool 2013

So here I am only 3 days out from another trip to the ocean and I can't wait. I need a break from life, a break from continuous technology, a break from work, and a break from worrying about anything. I'm ready for my only priority to be finishing my current beach read and deciding on the next fruity drink to order. I'm ready to unwind and refocus on what brings me joy, what makes me confident and what brings me love. 

"The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea." 

Signed: Cancun here I come!!!

I Can't Make This Stuff Up

Where have I been??? Seriously why must I royally SUCK at keeping up with my blogging. I have no good reason or excuse except that I just haven't taken the time to do it. So on that note...

I went on a date last Sunday. And it was the most horrible 50 mins ever.

Actually I'll give the guy some credit, while I was sitting in the parking lot and saw him first pull up, it wasn't bad. Then he got out of his SUV and I knew we would probably not be a match. But I am me and I've been trying really hard lately to look beyond my checklist and step out of my box so I figured one afternoon and a couple drinks wouldn't do me any harm. I was wrong.

If I wrote all the gory details it would take forever so I guess I'll just give the highlight reel:
*I was asked what my salary was.
*I was asked how much I had in liquid assets.
*I was not complimented once but watched him check out the waitress and then comment on her "rocking hot body".
*I was told his parent's are "extremely wealthy" so money isn't an issue and hasn't been his whole life.
*I was asked to go to a hotel so we could "play".
*Then I was asked if Lindsay and I are lesbians and/or if we share men. When I said no to both he then said hearing anymore about my roommate was pointless because she is of no use to him now.
*I was told his two German Shepards are man eaters and will kill anyone on command.

And this is about the moment the date was over. Thank goodness!

Everyone has asked if I went off on him but honestly while it was actually happening I was in such shock that I didn't really react at all. As I drove home though I got more and more upset about his behavior. I'd never been treated like that before. Ever. I'd never been around anyone so arrogant and so entitled in my whole life. It was crazy! I felt dirty and unsettled the rest of the night. In fact, I still feel a little unsettled right now.

So after a date so bad where do I go from here? Honestly I have no idea and I've felt like I'm at a loss all week. It's made me a bit more leery of doing online dating. It's a little more scary to me now. Just how someone could be so nice and normal and then be a complete and total creep in an instant.

So I think it's time to spend a couple weeks reflecting and praying. Focusing on what I want and what makes me happy. And reminding myself not to compromise on what I want, but also to keep my heart open.

Signed: Is this real life?