I went on a date earlier this week. It was a guy I met online which seems to be the only way to meet people anymore.
I feel like my whole experience with this guy is a perfect example of how technology makes dating much harder than it used to be.
Since we met online obviously we started out with messages back and forth. From there he asked for my number and we dove straight into texting. Lots of texting. For a couple weeks, only texting. He skirted around the idea of a date a couple times, but he never came out and asked me out. It was always asking me what I was doing and then saying how extremely busy I was. But never actually asking me out. He did end up calling me one night and we talked for awhile. Again, I didn't get asked out.
(Side Note: I'm sure some of you are thinking that I should have asked him out myself or called him or taken control. I'm sorry, but I'm old school and not doing that. I've tried it before and that doesn't work for me. The guy I want to be with will be a take control kind of guy and won't need me to ask him out.)
Finally after another week of texting he asked if I wanted to "hang out" and get a drink. (Yes, I got the "hang out" question which has become the oh so popular way of asking someone out.) I told him I would go on a date with him to get a drink.
We made plans to meet in Soulard for a drink.
(Second Side Note: I actually went on a date with a really nice guy awhile ago. He lived in St Louis and was more than willing to drive to my house, pick me up, and take me to dinner here in Edwardsville. He was a super cool guy and we had a lot of fun. It wasn't good timing for us, but he definitely was a true gentleman. He showed me what an actual good date looks like. Needless to say he moved my dating bar up. If you don't believe you meet people for a reason this is my perfect example of that.)
Soulard is about 30 mins away from my house. Which is no big deal if we were meeting in the middle, but it was only 5 mins from his house. So... Why was I doing all the driving?
I showed up right on time and he was already there. As I walked in he didn't get up, didn't hug me (which is what people usually do), didn't even shake my hand. And the first thing he said to me was some sarcastic comment about how he assumed I would be late because I'm a girl. *sigh*
The date wasn't terrible. It just wasn't awesome. Honestly I could have been having drinks with anyone. Nothing about it felt like a date at all. He gave no indication that he was into me. He was sarcastic most of the evening. He never once complimented me on anything (not that I need a million compliments but one tiny little compliment would have made me feel a little better about how things were going). He paid for my 2 drinks. We went home. I heard from him a little the next day, but nothing since.
So here is the thing. I'm confident he wasn't into me. That's ok because I wasn't into him. But the biggest problem is that before we got together our conversation flowed easily. Was that because it was through text? I would assume so. Through text his sarcastic comments were followed by a ":)" so I didn't find them awkward or rude. I'm sure he would have some complaint about me. I don't want to seem like I have no flaws and am perfect at dating... I have flaws and I'm still feeling my way blindly through the dating scene. I just really think the weeks of texting made us feel closer than we really were. It made us both start to like the person we encountered through these texts and not the real person. When we got together it felt like an awkward let down. You can only talk about so much through texting and through texts we were both witty, light, and easy going. In person we weren't compatible at all. It's disappointing.
I just think all in all, we're going about this dating thing wrong. I think light texting is ok, but phone calls would be better. I think first dates should happen as soon as possible because the only way you can figure out if you really like someone or click with someone is in person. Texting or constant emails back and forth seem so fake. You can't feel chemistry or attraction through a couple sentences of bad spelling and not punctuation.
Do you agree with this?
Have you ever had this same experience?
Non-single friends, what's your opinion on dating these days?
Dating is such a learning experience for me and I'm trying to better with each new person I go out with. But I'm not going to lie, I'm ready for a first date to lead to more dates instead of leading to nothing.
Signed: The girl who is searching for Mr. Right For Me! Where are you???
About 3, almost 4 years ago I was in the same boat! I had ended a 6 year relationship, worked with all woman and had no clue where to start. SO I got online and tried that out. As far as I knew, I was the only one of my friends trying out online dating and people laughed at me when I told them about it and said I needed to be very careful.
ReplyDeleteI went on about 6 first dates, all but maybe one guy wanted to text for what seemed like forever before asking to "hang out" and that annoyed me. I spent a couple of months causally going out on dates and hanging out with a guy I met online and I enjoyed him, he was fun but that was about it.
THEN, I had just about given up and I was literally closing my online dating account when I came across Andrews picture. Honestly, I almost didn't email him because I thought he was so good looking, he would never go for a girl like me. I said whatever and sent him an email. He unlike the others wanted my phone number to CALL me, not text. So we talked by email and phone calls for a couple of weeks, meaning to meet up but we were both so busy. I really like talked to him so I asked him for his last name and I of course attempted to fb stalk him..haha WELL, I got his last name, looked him up and realized he was my the older brother of one of my best girlfriends.
Him and I had even talked to each other, by email, in the same home, one room away from each other and had no idea! (late night out with his sister and we went back to her dads house, where he actually was living too)
I had not ever met him in the past because he went away to college the year I went into high school.
ANYWAYS, long story short-everything happens for a reason and you are so right everybody we meet is for a reason too. MEN SUCK these days at asking girls out on a date the proper way and I dont feel like there are too many really great men in the online dating world but there are some out there. I love how old school Andrew is, he picked me up, dressed nice and took me out on our first date and still to this day opens every door for me, pulls my chair out and walks me to my side of the car. :) I love that kind of stuff and it seemed to be hard to find.