Change is so hard for me. Transition is so hard for me. But do you know what's worse? Being stuck. Stuck in a pattern of life you can't seem to get out of. Stuck in a mindset that always invades your thoughts. Wanting to move forward but not knowing how or where to start. But about a month ago I took the first small step into a new season of life.
If I'm honest with myself the last season of my life would probably be called Lonely, Lazy and Loveless... And I put myself there. I willingly stepped into that season and let it consume me. While it was happening I knew I was getting deeper into it, but I just rode the wave down. I hadn't truly had a season like this since my early 20's. My anxiety was building over everyday things. The depression that I hadn't seen since that time was invading it's way back in from time to time. But this time was different than the last time. Because although it invaded I was still in control. I looked my Anxiety, Loneliness and Depression square in the eyes and said hello. I acknowledged them every time they showed up. And I felt everything they made me feel without shame. And then I would do everything in my power to usher them out the door. I would let those feelings wash through me and over me but I would never let them stay. But of course one night, the dam broke. Because you can only fight something by yourself for so long. Luckily my sister was there to pull me into her boat. Sometimes you just need someone to say they understand.
So as of this past Saturday I officially said "Peace Out" to that season of life and am fully embracing the new season. I was going to call this new season Becoming. But after already being in it for 3 days I've decided it's going to be called Becoming Love. Because in the 3 days I've been with my sister, brother in law, niece and nephew I've seen love and lots of it. It's all about becoming my best self, loving myself, and loving the people that surround me. (And if some romantic love came in the picture I wouldn't object to that at all...) This season feels like joy already.
I read recently that the words you use become the house you live in. So Becoming Love is the house I want to live in. What house do you want to live in?
