Ingrained In My Soul

One of the best things I've ever done for myself and my faith was to start working with the student ministry at Christ Church. I'm at the beginning of my 3rd year of volunteering with them. And I love it. I, with my amazing friend Caitlin, lead the senior girls. Every week it's a new adventure.

Sometimes it's hard. Hard because my 31 year old self still remembers what it's like to be a teenage girl navigating through life and faith. Hard because there are questions I sometimes don't know the answers to. Hard because although I can remember being a teenager, I wasn't a teenager living in a social media world which only adds to the pressure of being a girl and keeping your beliefs and morals intact.

But mostly it's rewarding. It's rewarding seeing the girls love Jesus with their whole hearts. It's rewarding when they answer a question and I realize how grounded their faith is. It's rewarding when I see them reach out to each other in ways you do when only complete trust is there. It's rewarding watching them be completely themselves and you know they feel like they're in a "safe place" when they're with you.

I'm always looking to improve the ways we lead the group. Looking for ways to be more vulnerable with the girls so they in turn will be more vulnerable with us. I'm always hunting for new ideas to equip them for life outside of our group. I want to challenge them and prepare them as much as possible for next year when I won't see them once a week. I know most of them will go away to school and our goal has always been for them to leave us with a love for Jesus that can get them through life, because life is hard.

This year I started something new. Every week after our fearless leader Robb finishes the lesson we break into small groups. He gives us questions to go over. But before we start in with the questions Caitlin and I hand everyone a blank note card and some markers. We then give them a verse to write down. I read it slowly, they write it out, then because we're girls we, of course, decorate the note card to make it cute. They decorate while we go through the lesson questions. Then at the end they take the verse home with them.

Caitlin and I tell them that we want them to put it up somewhere. Somewhere they'll see it every day. Somewhere they'll read it every day. Car, bedroom door, bathroom mirror, etc. Our hope is that these verses became ingrained in their souls. That at times of good and times of bad they will remember that God is in control. At times of light and dark they will remember that God loves them. That their soul will always be able to find peace even in unrest because these verses will shape their outlook and complement their faith.

The funny thing that has happened though is that every week while the girls write out the verse, I write it out also. Then every Wednesday night when I get home I grab some tape and climb up on my bathroom sink (short people problems) and place the newest verse up around my bathroom mirror where I'll see it everyday. And every day while I brush my teeth and wash my face I read the verses. Suddenly those are the verses that are getting me through crabby moments at work. Those are the verses that are getting me through feeling discouraged about my dating life. Those verses are the verses that I read over and over on Sunday evening while praying for friends whose hearts are breaking with grief right now. Those verses that I hoped would become ingrained in the girls souls are the verses that are becoming ingrained in mine.

My bathroom mirror

Isn't it funny how God works? My goal was to encourage the girls and get as much scripture as possible to permeate their hearts but in turn it's done the same for me.

Signed: #christchurchgirlslovinggod

A Dating Update

Some lovely friends of mine have been asking for an update lately.

My summer was all weird dating experiences so I'll give a rundown of the gentleman I met.

The Lawyer- I was originally impressed with him right out of the gate. We talked for a couple days and then he asked to meet up for a drink. We decided to meet at Global Brew. As soon as I saw him I knew it probably wouldn't be a love connection cause he was not my type and I don't think I was his. But there didn't seem to be anything wrong with having a drink and making a connection even if it was just as friends. Apparently I was wrong... As soon as the waitress brought my drink and said that it was $5 he immediately looked out the window pretending to be completely interested in the bird that just flew by, basically to avoid paying. (Sidenote: I am more than capable of buying my own drinks, but I think that if someone asks me out they should most definitely pay. Or at least not fake seeing something out the window to avoid paying. You all may not agree with that, but I am daily around great men who have always told me that chivalry is not dead. Part of being a man is providing so I fully expect that if YOU ask me on a date you will step up to the plate, be a man, and provide. End rant.) Things just got weird from there. He bragged about how much he travels for work and how much money he makes. I continued to bring the conversation to neutral easy topics. Then he acted like it was ridiculous that I started at my job as a teller and through hard work moved up the ladder. Apparently no one is anyone who hasn't just walked right into a management position somewhere. Needless to say I drank my one drink very fast. As we're leaving we walk out to the elevator and I press the down button. He then says "It was nice meeting you, but I'm taking the stairs." Obviously I was so repulsive that he couldn't even ride the elevator one floor down with me. I looked back at him and said, "No worries, I'll just wait right here and wait for you to leave the building so we don't have to see each other downstairs." And that was The Lawyer.

The Financial Analyst- I actually went on three dates with this guy. They were all decent dates. He was nice, funny and we had a good time together. The problem was I wouldn't hear from him at all between the dates that were all at least a week a part if not a couple. So basically I always felt like I was a side thought or option. He didn't treat me badly when we were together and he was nothing but respectful, but there were literally no phone calls or texts in between except to arrange a date. And before anyone asks, yes I did reach out to him. But he would reply to my texts with one word or sentence and usually hours later. And the one time I tried to call him to have an actual conversation he didn't answer. So yeah... I don't want to be smothered by any means, but hearing from someone in between dates is a definite must.

The Grad Student- This is the perfect example of most of my interactions while online dating. We started talking back and forth. He seemed to have lots of the qualities I'm looking for. We talked for a couple weeks. Long extensive messages. Lots of joking and lots of "Oh cool! Me too!". But he never made any move to ask me out or imply that a date was ever going to be in the works. I literally had the coolest and most fun pen pal ever! I could justify the pen pal thing for awhile because he was busy with grad school... And obviously living 5 min away from me made things extra super difficult to meet up because of that long drive to see each other. (Can you sense my sarcasm???) And then basically he just quit talking to me. As in one message we're talking about brunch and then the next message... Crickets. I guess he didn't like that my favorite brunch food is crab cake benedict? Who knows?

Every Other Guy- Any halfway normal guy that I've started talking to just quits talking out of the blue. And all the other messages I get are from weirdos. These are the opening lines most commonly used these days:
"Hot"
"You in a little black dress. Me taking you on the most romantic date of your life." (I've gotten this same message from the same guy 4 times this summer. He has no picture up. I assume every time that he's a serial killer.)
"Wanna chat?"
"Wanna hang out?"
"How do you feel about guys who like feet?" (I've gotten this message three different times from the same guy.)
"Sexy"
"Hi"

This is what I'm working with. I joke about it a lot, but if I'm being completely honest it's been hard lately. I'm trying to do my absolute best to have patience. I'm doing my absolute best to trust that God is in control. But it's hard. It's hard to trust. It's hard to not feel like the absolute one thing I want most in life is never going to happen. It's hard not to be discouraged. But I'm trying my best. Trying to concentrate on doing things that make me happy, surrounding myself with people that love me, and searching out new people and new experiences. I'm hoping that if I do those things they will one day lead me to the man that I'll spend the rest of my life with.

Signed: Have a little faith...